The Tindler Swindler, Con Mom, and Dirty John… These are just a few stories of cons that have graced our screens in recent years. These stories capture our attention and fascinate us. Not necessarily because of what was lost due to the con, but because of the extreme lengths these con men and women go to. However, we also need to remember that these are only a few events that get picked up by a network. During our online counseling sessions, we hear enough horror stories to know that the big con is very much alive and well all around the world.
But what sits behind these tales and the various facades? Surely, if the goal were merely monetary, a good old-fashioned robbery would’ve also gotten the job done? So, why go to the extremes they are willing to go to and play such a long game (some even spanning over yeeeaars)? In this article, we explore the minds of con men and women and share some insights from our online counseling sessions.
When the Aim of the Game is Not Just Money
Con men and women make for an interesting discussion in psychological circles and during online counseling. This is because the mind behind these cons can be extremely complex. In most of these cases, money is the ultimate objective. However, there are underlying agendas when it comes to the con. These are a few of the most common reasons why con men and women con:
They’re Getting Attention
Many of us would prefer not to be in the spotlight, and others still can’t understand why you would go to such extreme lengths to get attention. But it’s important for us to remember that even here, there can be a variety of psychological factors at play.
To best explain this need for attention when it comes to conning, we can actually take a look at a few other famous cons that don’t necessarily have money as the ultimate goal. Before Gypsy-Rose Blanchard was a social media and reality TV star, she was the daughter of Didi Blanchard, a mother suffering from Munchausen’s Syndrome.
This meant that Gypsy-Rose was subjected to many unnecessary procedures, treatments, etc., as her mom scammed her way through the medical system. While there were certain monetary benefits that came in the form of charitable donations, it seemed that Didi’s biggest reward was the love and adoration bestowed on her as the brave mother of an incredibly ill child.
This element of getting attention can be found in many a long con. One example would be the love con man we see so often during online counseling sessions. In these instances, the con man has the love and adoration of many women who think they’re his one-and-only, while they’re signing away their houses and life savings.
They Get a Kick Out of Fooling the “Stupids”
These professional con men and women get a kick out of “being the smartest person in the world.” Another famous con woman, Anna Delvy, is a great example of this. She has notoriously and very openly stated that she doesn’t see herself as the problem.
She doesn’t see herself as the one that’s to blame for any of her conning. According to her, it’s the people who she sees as being stupid enough to be conned. This feeling of being intellectually superior to others is a reward upon itself.
They Get Bored
Although con men and women are definitely not the superior intellectuals they like to feel they are, most are still undoubtedly intelligent. People with higher IQs become easily bored with the so-called mundane routines of the general populace.
The global standard life “recipe” of finding and going to a 9-to-5 job every day, finding a partner, building a family, etc., doesn’t challenge or stimulate them enough to keep them engaged. So, by building these complex and intricate schemes with so many lies to remember and moving parts to keep track of, they are actually building a life they find interesting.
They Want to Be Someone Else
Con men and women often find relief and solace in their alter egos. This can be because they can live out aspirations and status they would’ve never been able to achieve, such as Frank Abagnale, who was the real person behind the movie ‘Catch Me If You Can.’ Or it can simply be a means to break free from the real them they don’t like.
There’s a Serious Psychological Disorder at Play
Many con men and women do have underlying psychological conditions. Many of these conditions also have the above-mentioned as common symptoms. This can include disorders such as Narcissism, Sociopathy, Psychopathy, Borderline Personality Disorder, and others.
These disorders often also explain why con men and women can’t relate to the emotional impact their actions have and cannot sympathize with their victims. But it’s also important to note that many of these disorders work on a scale. So, not everyone diagnosed with Narcissism or Borderline will necessarily have such extreme, destructive traits or go on a conning rampage.
Am I Being Scammed?
This is a question we often hear during an online counseling session. Although it’s not always easy to spot, these are the most common red flags to look out for:
Unsolicited Contact
You suddenly bump into a family member or receive a message from an old friend via social media. There’s just one problem: you can’t remember them at all. Or an absolute stranger starts emailing or messaging you out of the blue. In these instances, it’s best not to respond and to block the sender.
Messages or Emails are Wrought with Spelling and Grammar Errors
Most think that this is because scammers tend to be non-native speakers. However, this is actually a tactic used by scammers. It’s been proven that those who do not notice the mistakes or simply accept them make easier marks.
Their Methods of Communication are Peculiar
They claim to be serious business owners, yet they’re emailing you from a private Gmail account. Or they want to discuss investments over WhatsApp or Telegram instead of having an online or in-person meeting. They say they’re phoning from a local number, yet the area code displayed suggests a foreign number. Anytime the methods of communication don’t seem to fit the situation, steer clear.
They’re Getting Too Personal
A lot of things can be discussed on a first date, but your mother’s maiden name is not one of them. The bank will not phone you and ask you to give them your bank account number. It’s time to cut the conversation short when people try to extract such personal information from you.
Money Matters are Getting Weird
You may have known or seen this person quite some time, but when it comes to sending or lending them money things get weird. Not only do the reasons for their financial problems seem a bit odd, but payments methods vary from sending MoneyGrams in other people’s names to literally posting cash in a box.
Their Lives Will Put a Soap Opera to Shame
This person has more drama in their life than an episode of Bold and the Beautiful. The one day their brother is kidnapped and held for ransom, then their parent dies and they need to pay and arrange a funeral. The next day all their bank accounts have been frozen, or they’re stuck in some foreign jail because of bogus charges. And don’t even get us started on the “I’m a special agent for the government” and everything that happens underneath that banner.
They’re Testing Your Herd Mentality
It’s much harder to scam someone who tends to generally be a bit mistrusting and it’s in their nature to question things. In other words, they don’t just blindly follow the herd. They will test this, for example, by saying “everyone is jumping on this investment.” If your decision-making is easily swayed by what “everyone” is doing or what “they” are saying, then you’re more likely to follow the scammers instructions.
Manipulation Comes in All Shapes and Sizes
From crying crocodile tears to playing on your fears and making you feel guilty – con men and women are pros when it comes to manipulating you into doing what they want.
Fake Common Ground Abounds
They’ll be talking to you the one day and you’ll have LOTS in common (including, for example, loving football). Tomorrow they’ll be talking to someone else, and they’ll have LOTS in common (including NOT liking football). The goal here is simple; they find ways for you to connect, relate, and trust, making the scam much easier and successful.
They Use Your Own Needs and Desires Against You
Want to become a famous actor? Then sign on the dotted line and pay the exorbitant agency fees upfront. Want to be rich beyond your wildest dreams? Then just invest in their new crypto platform. This is where the con man or woman essentially becomes your genie, seemingly about to make all your wishes come true. But in reality, the only wishes they’re gunning for are their own.
The Pressure is On
There are only limited space available. Or it’s only available for a short time. Or a cut-off point is already looming. Whatever reason, the pressure is on for you to make the decision, make the payment, you name it, as soon as possible. We usually advise those in online counseling to always take a step back and wait a couple of days. More often than not, you’ll realize that this is a road you really shouldn’t go down.
“Too Good to Be True” is Starting to Look Possible
You’ve been single and alone for a very long time and suddenly an angel falls out of the sky telling you how much they love you after the very first date. You’ve been struggling financially for such a long time and suddenly someone has an investment that brings in 60% returns.
Add on a bit of fluff and a couple of details and they’ll almost have you believe that what is clearly too good to be true just might be possible. We always remind those in online counseling to remind themselves: “If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.”
Already Conned? You’re Not Alone
The sad reality is that 5% of the global population gets conned every year with 10% to 20% being repeat victims. And that’s only those we know of! Many con victims in our online counseling sessions sit with all sorts of complex emotions, ranging from guilt to anger and shame, which is also why most victims never tell friends or family, never report the crimes, and never get the support they need.
So, if you or a loved one have been the victim of a con man or woman, please reach out to us. You did not deserve what happened to you and you’ve experienced a profound life event that will need processing. You can contact us on info@personalonlinetherapy.com or complete the form below and we’ll get back to you as soon as possible:
