We see a lot of clients looking for online psychologist therapy. Many lead with the words “I don’t think it’s normal” or “I don’t think I’m normal.” Although we often use these terms to convey something else, we can’t quite explain, we’d like to take some time to explain why this type of thinking is damaging to yourself and others.
The (Boring) Definition of Normal
Yes, we know you don’t want to read “boring” content. But let’s just take a quick look at the very scholarly definition of the term normal, according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary:
“conforming to a type, standard, or regular pattern: characterised by that which is considered usual, typical, or routine.”
“according with, constituting, or not deviating from a norm, rule, procedure, or principle.”
“approximating the statistical average or norm.”
Now zoom in on some of the words used and really let them seep in. “Conforming,” “considered usual,” “according with,” and “approximating.”
Take a Quick, Fun “Normalcy” Test!
Take a look at the things below and ask yourself if you’d do/allow any of it:
- Smoking inside a hospital.
- Keeping your baby inside a “baby cage.” This is exactly what it sounds like: a cage bolted to the outside of an apartment window where your baby can get some fresh air and spend some time outside, potentially suspended up to 20 floors up from the ground.
- Driving at incredibly high speeds with no seatbelts on and your toddler sitting on the centre console.
- Whipping your child with a leather strap or other item made for precisely this purpose, which you bought at a local store.
- Oiling yourself up with anything from baby oil to actual cooking oil to spend the day tanning on the beach.
- Placing yourself under immense financial pressure to buy yourself or your wife prefirmed wire skirts, since using starch to stiffen them was a dead giveaway of your inadequate social status.
- Taking your moody or emotional (according to your own standards) wife/girlfriend/mother for treatment at the local doctor, who will then provide professional pelvic massage therapy (masturbate your wife/girlfriend/mother to orgasm, in layman’s terms).
Did you relate to any of the above? If you answered “Of course not!” to any of the above-mentioned, would it surprise you that all of the things mentioned were considered perfectly normal in the last 125 years? And if that sounds like an extremely long time, that’s basically just ONE generation ago!
Let’s Try It Again!
Let’s give it one more go, shall we? Take a look at any of the below and ask yourself whether you’d do/allow any of it:
- Buying anti-dandruff shampoo to take care of your dandruff problem.
- Proposing or accepting a proposal with a beautiful diamond ring.
- Buying vitamin tablets from your local pharmacy. Doing exercises targeting specific areas of fat, such as the stomach or arms.
- Using fabric softener on your clothes.
Did any of the above sound “off” to you? Did any of the above get the same reaction as our first test items? Well, then you might be surprised to learn, like so many others during online psychologist therapy, that:
Dandruff is a Marketing Concept Today.
In reality, it’s dead skin cells falling off your head (as it should) to make way for new skin cells. This process can be exacerbated by everything from skin types and haircare routines to current weather conditions and entire seasons. And, of course, it should be treated accordingly if it becomes hindering to you.
But in no way, shape, or form were these dead skin cells ever considered to be super “gross” or “disgusting” like in today’s general society. That began with the marketing of anti-dandruff products.
Proposing with a Diamond Ring Before 1947 was a Rarity.
De Beers (a company that did everything diamonds – from mining to trading and selling jewelry) actually started this trend with their “Diamonds are Forever” marketing campaign.
The campaign was inspired by the Archduke of Austria (yes, a DUKE, which should tell you everything you need to know already) presenting Mary of Burgundy with a ring of diamonds shaped in the letter M upon his proposal (already a far cry from the typical princess cut of today, right?).
You Might Be Buying an Unvetted Product from an Unvetted Company
We won’t go into the often controversial and very technical world of whether vitamin pills actually get sufficiently absorbed in the body, or whether they pretty much go in one side and out the other. However, we will comment on the fact that vitamins are the least regulated “medication” in the world.
This means that you are allowed to legally sell a vitamin product in your shop without it necessarily having gone through proper testing, approval from overseeing boards, obtaining certain licenses or permits, and so forth. Therefore, you may buy vitamins in the store, thinking it’s going to improve your health, but they may actually have no proven track record behind that price tag!
Fabric Softener is No Good
Although not being actual wax, the ingredients in fabric softener create a wax-like build-up. This damages your washing machine and can significantly shorten the appliance’s lifespan. Ironically, it has even worse effects on your clothes! The ingredients create a waxy layer around the individual fibres of your clothes.
This damages the fibres (which is why fabric-softened clothes often tear easily). But wait, it gets MUCH worse: it also makes the clothes less absorbent, all while actually trapping odours! So, how’s that dandruff ick holding up right about now?
The Reality of “Normalcy”
Take a look at those words in the definition of normal again: “conforming,” “considered usual,” “according with,” “approximating.” NOWHERE does it proclaim “normal” to be some sort of gold standard we should and must all align with (like we so often hear from clients during online psychologist therapy). So, why do we continuously measure ourselves against and strive towards being “normal”? There are a variety of reasons:
You Might Be Fighting Yourself
On a personal level, “normalcy” is just what we’ve been taught and are used to. So, whether just inner conflict from personal growth or something more serious, you might actually be fighting yourself and not necessarily societal “normalcy.” For example, a devout Catholic (the “normal” standard they were raised in) might grow up to find more truth in Buddhism.
Or a child that was raised to believe that the “normal” game they would play with a family member would grow up to learn that it was sexual abuse. As we age, develop, discover, come into contact with others, and go out into the big, wide world, we’ll inevitably start questioning and changing our perception of “normal.” If you’re currently in this position and finding it difficult to navigate these conflicts, it might be a good idea to consider online psychologist therapy.
It May Just Be a Sign of Our Times
The old adage says “here today and gone tomorrow,” and the concept of “normalcy” works in much the same way. This is very clear just by taking a look at our quizzes above! Therefore, we can conclude that being “normal” is very much dependent on the time period.
You won’t bring a bucket to the dinner table so you can overeat, throw up, and then continue eating (a very common practice in ancient Rome). And, similarly, your great-grandmother would’ve probably never believed you if you told her people would take fat from their bums to inject into their lips like they do today.
It Could Be to Keep Control
Those in power can only be in power if the masses allow them to be. This is a simple, yet scary, truth clients often discover during their online psychologist therapy. If your “normal” work culture is to work 16-hour days without overtime pay and having a boss who will demean you in front of your colleagues, the odds are that this will continue till the status quo is changed by the majority of employees standing up against such treatment.
Similarly, cult leaders are never to be questioned. And some husbands still quote bible verses about being “the head of the house” to their wives. Some concepts of “normalcy” need to be maintained in order to keep control. This doesn’t always need to be sinister, either. In today’s society, it’s not considered “normal” to murder and eat someone. I think most of us would support that notion in the interest of public safety.
There Might Be Monetary Agendas Behind It
This is probably one of the biggest reasons to advocate for yourself and do your own in-depth research. Don’t just listen to a company throwing a problem based on random stats you don’t understand at you and then offering you the solution (for payment, of course).
Whenever there’s money at play, we highly recommend you question the motives of these organisations, institutions, companies, and so forth, pushing a certain narrative regarding what’s “normal.”
You May Have Inadvertently Created Your Own Eco-Chamber
Most don’t understand the smart technology they use every day. Smart tech is “smart” because it customises everything around you. That includes what you see on Google and your social media feeds. Have you followed someone on social media recently who’s affiliated with a specific political party?
For example, you may be following Cheryl Hines because you’re a fan of the comedic actress, especially for her role in Curb Your Enthusiasm. But her name became more intertwined in Republican headlines due to her husband’s political position. That one follow flags a Republican interest to the algorithms.
Next up, it gives you a breaking news bulletin about the assassination of Charlie Kirk. You have no idea who Charlie Kirk is, but, as a breaking news bulletin, you click on it. This merely confirms the algorithm’s growing suspicion. Next up is a tweet on tariffs by Donald Trump. As an importer, you have a lot riding on these tariffs, so you also need to check that out.
Now the algorithm is pretty convinced. It will now continue leading you down the Republican rabbit hole (whether you are a Republican, a Liberal, or non-political). Now, imagine you’re being fed the same narratives, “truths,” and idea of “normalcy” day in and day out (whether it aligns with your original beliefs or morals). Sounds a lot like brainwashing, right?
Now add on paid ads by vested parties specifically targeting those who’ve shown interests in certain topics/subjects, and soon your CUSTOMIZED reality and “normal” looks a lot different than that of your parents, neighbours, or colleagues. You’ve inadvertently created your own eco-chamber.
Our Brains are Wired to Understand
Have you ever noticed how we want a reason for everything? Ever wondered why we confuse the coat in the closet for a person or see rabbits in the clouds? That’s because our brains are rigged. Human beings inherently want to organise, package, and label everything, and our go-to is pattern recognition. That includes creating a sort of “baseline” we can work from, and which is easy to understand – cue “normalcy”.
To give a very simple example of this, our brains can easily understand when someone tells us they’re a dentist with a practice in city X that’s open 07:00 to 16:00 on weekdays. It becomes much more difficult to understand how a venture capitalist works, divides his/her time between three cities, and works with clients from the US as well as Europe.
See what we mean? It’s simply easier to go with the first option, where the “normal” baseline is much easier to understand and keep track of.
We Know Better Now
Coke is no longer being sold as a medication. Meth is no longer a standard part of a soldier’s rations. And you’re no longer allowed to smoke on the aeroplane. As time goes by, the world keeps discovering, learning, and evolving. And, inevitably, so does our societal definition of “normalcy.”
So, What’s the Point?
The point is that there are so many different driving forces behind the current concept of “normalcy” that it’s a complete fallacy. Striving to be “normal” essentially ends up being the ultimate journey of a dog chasing its own tail – it goes absolutely nowhere.
You need to shift your focus from “normalcy” to being the healthiest version of yourself (whatever that may look like). As long as you’re happy, healthy (both physically and mentally), and cause yourself and others no harm, there’s no reason why you can’t live out whatever version of yourself that entails. That is also why Online Personal Therapy is a judgment-free zone.
You can rest assured that we will never find anything “wrong” or “abnormal” with you. We look at the past and potential medical conditions that may prevent you from being that ultimate version of yourself. But there’s no one-size-fits-all ruler we’ll be measuring you against.
If you need someone to talk to, have questions, or find yourself on a journey of self-discovery and would learn more about how online psychologist therapy works, don’t hesitate to reach out to us. You can contact us via info@personlaonlinetherapy.com or simply complete the form below, and we’ll get back to you asap:
