We need to have a SERIOUS conversation about trolling.
A big part of online counseling is unpacking one’s life. It’s trying to process and understand the life events that shaped you. There are times when it gets uncomfortable as we become aware of the role we played in these events. Other times, it’s simply heartbreaking as we recount things that were entirely out of our control.
Throughout the years, one topic has remained consistent during online counseling sessions; we just have more words for it now: bullying, cyberbullying, trolling. What’s also become clear is that we as a society don’t seem to understand what this really entails despite numerous educational campaigns.
What Society Thinks Bullying and Trolling is
Most of the time, society has a very stereotypical view of what bullying or trolling is. Many think bullying is something that happens in schoolyards. “Mean kids” mocking a physical trait. Or “mean kids” picking on someone based on race, financial status, school standing, etc. And many think that trolling is simply the online version of this.
While all of this is true, we’re conveniently leaving out a few modern-day scenarios that have a severe impact on others. This article explores the various angles (and disguises) of bullying and trolling, the devastation it can cause, and how to seek help.
The Overlooked Forms of Harmful Behaviour
The following are some of the bullying and trolling scenarios that are often ignored:
Bullying in the Workplace
Bullying in the workplace can take on many forms. Some of the most common scenarios we come across during online counseling are:
Companies Trying to Get Rid of Employees
Companies don’t want to deal with the admin, financial cost, and potential legal repercussions of letting someone go. These companies then simply make the employee’s work-life as unbearable as possible, so they’ll quit. This is especially prevalent during buy-outs, take-overs, or mergers.
Retaliatory Behaviour Due to Sexual Harassment
This can be because the employee has spoken up about the sexual harassment, or the person in power just wants to bully the person into submission or quitting. Sexual harassment has been the spark that flames the fire of many workplace bullying cases.
Someone Gunning for a Position
It’s often surprising to find that this type of behaviour is not limited to just senior positions. If someone wants an individual’s role, they’ll be sure to highlight any mistakes that individual makes, make subtle criticisms (but only in the presence of superiors). It’s the “why did you decide to do it like this?” or “could you just explain this number to us?” in hopes of a “gotcha” moment in front of the boss.
The Adult Version of Schoolyard Bullying
This can also take on many forms. An individual can just not be very liked among colleagues and be picked on. Or they have to listen to back-handed comments about the cardigans they like to wear, the way they’ve decorated their stall, or their nervous stutter. But whatever the situation looks like, they’re seemingly starring in the adult version of Mean Girls.
Harassment of People in the Public Eye
This excuse is common when it comes to public figures. However, while someone may have chosen to share certain talents with the public (singing, dancing, acting, etc.), it does not justify the public scrutiny of their private life.
Things like ageing, divorce, life-changing injuries, addictions, chronic illnesses, a death in the family, troubled kids, etc. are already tough to navigate, irrespective of who you are. Just imagine what it must feel like to then also have thousands discussing and commenting on it via various public platforms!
The incredibly tragic life and death of Hayden Panettiere [1] is a good example of the impact the “but they’re in the public eye” bullying and trolling can have.
When “But It’s True” Becomes an Excuse for Cruelty
Making hurtful statements or comments about something or someone, whether it’s true or not, is bullying and trolling. Would you like to be defined by one life event or mistake? Think back to some of your most embarrassing or shameful moments. What would it feel like if that specific moment was the talk of the town and seemed to overshadow everything else that makes you you?
Truth is also very subjective. Unless you’ve been in that person’s shoes, felt their feelings, and thought their thoughts, it’s best not to jump to conclusions or hasty opinions.
For example, in 1982, an entire generation was left traumatised by the heartbreaking movie, Sophie’s Choice [2]. Now, let’s use the premise of the movie (and we’ve amended certain aspects of it, so there are no spoilers) to showcase how easily things can get distorted and how dangerous “the truth” can be:
Mary
Mary comes for tea and cake and tells you about her neighbour, Sophie. Apparently, Sophie had two children but decided to keep only one and gave the other away. Today, she acts as if she never had two and never even mentions the child she gave away!
Eva
Eva attends an online counseling session. She’s a 26-year-old woman who’s recently reunited with her biological mother, who gave her up as a little girl. Eva has many and very complex feelings around the situation.
She is very happy to have found her mother again, and she truly loves her mother. However, she can’t help but feel angry and rejected. Why did her mother choose to keep her brother? What made him better? Why did she love him more?
Sophie
Sophie has been attending online counseling sessions for many years. She’s had a hard life and struggles to talk about and process everything that’s happened to her. Sophie’s husband was killed in the Russian/Ukrainian war, and she and her children were captured and subjected to incredible psychological torture.
After having been prisoners for a few days, the soldiers told her that they would let her go free, but she’d only be allowed to take one child. It was up to her to decide which. If she didn’t choose, they’d all be executed. Sophie was hysterical but ultimately decided to leave Eva behind.
She was older, and the chance of her surviving whatever came next was better than if she had left her infant son. She often wishes that she could let both her children go free while she volunteered to stay, but that simply wasn’t an option she had.
She struggles with forgiving herself and has complex feelings of grief and anger towards herself and the situation. Because of the anguish these memories bring, Sophie never talks about it to others.
All three of the above accounts are technically true, so how do you decide which version is the “one and only” version? And how do you think your judgement would vary if you only heard one of these versions?
The Myth That Words Cannot Influence Someone
We have to believe this statement. It absolves us from responsibility and also provides the illusion of safety.
But if this were really the case, industries like sales and marketing would not exist, cults would not exist, and there wouldn’t be so many Tinder Swindler-type documentaries on Netflix.
Any sociologist would tell you that humans are a social species and tribal by nature, despite modern society moving into a more disconnected direction. We seek each other out. We care what others think. We have profound impacts on each other’s lives (both good and bad). Just think about your favourite teacher or family member, for example.
So, we can definitely make someone do something – whether it’s building them up or tearing them down.
Although she’s a public figure, Britney Spears [3] is a good example of how society can mould and shape someone. Britney Spears burst onto the entertainment scene as a dreamy-eyed Disney kid. So, how does that little girl become the adult we see today?
Public scrutiny, a troubled home life, more public scrutiny, a highly publicized love life, more public scrutiny, an unrealistic work schedule, more public scrutiny, burnout, more scrutiny, mental health struggles, more scrutiny, betrayal upon betrayal by those she was relied on and trusted, more scrutiny, tumultuous divorce and contentious custody battles, more scrutiny, parental alienation, more scrutiny, self-medicating, more scrutiny. And so it goes on and on and on, day in, day out, year in, year out, decade in, decade out.
If specially trained soldiers go insane after just a few days of Japanese water torture (a form of torture where someone is constrained and water is left to continuously and slowly drip on their head), we have to start asking ourselves what the impact of our incessant badgering, bullying and trolling was on this woman’s psyche and life.
In 2017, Michelle Carter also learned the hard way that the “you can’t make someone do something” argument will no longer stand up in court. She was found guilty of manslaughter and sent to jail for the coercive role she played in her boyfriend’s suicide [4].
The Psychological Effects of Bullying and Online Abuse
The effects of bullying and trolling are severe, long-lasting, and, as we’ve often seen, can even be fatal. What we often experience during online counseling is that the bullying and trolling doesn’t even have to be persistent to cause irreparable damage.
It’s the kid that was called dumb sometime during the first grade, the girl who was told that her hips were too big for that dress, the boy that spends a lot of his time working out, only to hear that he must “put some meat on his bones,” or the girl that got a “U SUCK!” comment from a stranger on her TikTok video.
The following are just some of the repercussions of these thoughtless comments or unsolicited opinions:
- Anxiety.
- Depression.
- Loneliness (whether from self-isolating or others avoiding the targeted individual).
- Lower attendance at school or at work and a decrease in performance.
- Low self-esteem.
- Disrupted eating and sleeping patterns.
- PTSD.
- Struggles with feelings of anger, guilt and shame (often towards themselves because they couldn’t stop the bullying and trolling).
- Feelings of hopelessness and despair.
- Physiological symptoms once the stress manifests physically. This can include headaches, stomach aches, and even more frequent colds and flus since the stress hormone impacts the immune system.
- Self-destructive tendencies as coping methods. This includes things such as substance abuse (drugs, alcohol, etc.).
- Self-harm such as cutting.
- Suicide.
The Ripple Effect of Bullying and Trolling
Unfortunately, bullying and trolling have a ripple effect that impacts more people than the targeted individual. Friends and family members hurt for their hurting loved one (we also often see and hear from these individuals during online counseling sessions).
Then, of course, the cycle sadly often continues. A bullied child may become the bully in adulthood. Unprocessed events and emotions can turn into aggression and domestic abuse, impacting partners and children. Our child psychologists notice this behaviour almost on a daily basis.
We’ve also seen an increase in a pretty disturbing trend: self-harm on social media. From cutting to actually committing suicide, the victims of bullying and trolling are self-harming on public forums.
This makes the ripple effect’s reach even wider as non-suspecting members of the general public are then exposed to incredible trauma. The platform, TikTok, recently faced harsh criticism for allowing the self-harm live stream of Perez Hilton to continue for more than 30 minutes before cutting the feed [5].
In these instances, we need to have a conversation about oversight and moderation and where responsibility lies. Someone in a mental health crisis or full-blown psychosis often doesn’t even realise what they’re busy doing on these platforms till they’re hit by the aftermath thereof (often worsening the existing mental health struggles).
When to Speak Up
If you are concerned and wondering whether you should speak up, it’s probably time to speak up.
But speaking up is not discussing the individual with friends and family behind the person’s back, bringing them up in your prayer group at church, or posting things on the internet. Speaking up means reaching out to the individual themselves in an empathetic and loving way; offering them a safe space to ask for help.
It may also be that the individual can’t see or admit that they are in a bit of a rough spot, and it becomes important to speak to a professional. Every individual and case is different, so a professional will be able to advise you on what the best solution for your specific situation will be.
If you’d like to book an online counseling session for yourself or would like to seek assistance for a loved one, please send an email to info@personalonlinetherapy.com. Alternatively, you can complete the form below, and we’ll get back to you as soon as possible:
Frequently Asked Questions About Bullying and Trolling:
Below are the answers to some of the most frequently asked questions we get during online counseling sessions about bullying and trolling:
What Is the Difference Between Bullying and Trolling?
Bullying and trolling are essentially the same type of behaviour. So, the biggest difference is how we refer to the behaviour depending on the forum: bullying is mostly in-person, and trolling is online.
Therefore, the targeted individual in a bullying scenario is mostly someone within the local community. But a complete stranger can be trolled and troll someone since distance is not a factor online.
Is Bullying and Trolling Illegal?
The question of whether bullying and trolling are illegal is a contentious topic. There are still many grey areas in our judicial system, despite the consequences always being detrimental. Still, in some cases, criminal and legal actions can be taken, so if the situation persists and becomes severe, please reach out to a professional.
Why Do People Troll or Bully?
There are many reasons why someone trolls or bullies another person. This includes repeating an abusive cycle they’re used to back home, asserting the power and dominance they lack elsewhere in their life, simple boredom, attention-seeking, and even revenue-generating (the more views and engagement someone gets on social media, the more the platform pays).
What is the Easiest Way to Stop Trolling?
The easiest way is probably not to be online (something that’s become pretty hard to do in modern-day society). The second-best option is to adjust your accounts and security settings, making accounts private and restricting who can see and comment on your posts. This, however, can be challenging for public figures or professionals.
The last resort is to block and report certain commentators continuously. Unless you have a marketing or PR team handling this on your behalf, we recommend speaking to a mental health professional since continuously seeing and reading these comments inevitably harms one’s psyche.
Where Can I Find Help Against Bullying and Trolling?
If you speak to a professional, such as an online counselor, they’ll be able to provide you with advice, resources, and recommendations. They also usually have direct contacts at local law enforcement and anti-bullying and cybercrime organisations to whom they can refer you.
References:[1] https://abcnews.com/US/hayden-panettiere-dies-36/story?id=135698473
[2] https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0084707/
[3] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Britney_Spears
[4] https://www.cnn.com/2019/02/11/us/michelle-carter-texting-suicide-case-sentence
[5] https://www.theguardian.com/media/2026/aug/05/perez-hilton-self-harm-tiktok-criticism
