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Broaden Your Horisons with the Help of a Sex Therapist

sex therapist

Sex has been a fairly taboo subject ‘till recently. And even now, merely uttering the word in conversation is bound to cause a blush or two. Unfortunately, the fact that we’ve all been so tight-lipped on the subject has caused a lot of misunderstanding, unmet expectations, and urban legends. In this article, we tackle some of the biggest misconceptions and surprises a sex therapist deals with on a daily basis.

All women orgasm through penetration

Studies have actually revealed that only 6% of women achieve orgasm during penetrative sex. The rest reach orgasm by clitoral stimulation. So, if your wife or girlfriend isn’t orgasming during intercourse, it doesn’t mean that anything is wrong with either of you. It simply means that you are a normal couple that needs to figure out a few alternatives to ensure that both achieve climax. A sex therapist can assist in helping you find a few possible solutions.

Size matters

One of the biggest myths that have been reinforced by Hollywood is that the size of a man’s penis matters. During a recent survey, 92% of the women stated that they don’t care about the size of the member a man is sporting. To a sex therapist, this is not a surprise when you take physiology into account. If only 6% achieve orgasm via penetration, it essentially means that 94% of women don’t need anything (of any size) to enter their vagina. Clitoral stimulation can be achieved by hand, toys, etc. But that doesn’t mean that a man’s penis is essentially redundant, as you will see from our next point of discussion.

Penises are ugly

There’s a nasty rumour that the male anatomy is not nearly as aesthetically pleasing to a woman as a woman’s body is to a man. This could not be furthest from the truth. Studies have proven that women get turned on when being shown a picture of a man with an erection. That means that males simply need to “show up” to the party with their erect Johnson to get their partner excited. It is incredibly important to note the importance of the right setting when mentioning this point. The response will not be quite as positive when a man simply flashes a woman walking in the street.

Women don’t have erections

Women may not wake up with a little bed tent balancing on their private bits. Or have a protruding bulge underneath their undies. But they definitely also have wet dreams and erections. Although, a female’s erection takes a little longer compared to that of a man’s.

A woman’s clitoris also fills with blood and swells when aroused. What many do not know (even the women themselves) is that the part of the clit that can be seen externally is only the proverbial tip of the iceberg. Most of the clitoris is hidden underneath the skin. Hence why a female erection is not as visible to the naked eye. And although women’s wet dreams may be less wet, 70% of all women experience dreams of a sexual nature. And 45.3% of all women have actually been brought to orgasm by those dreams.

Porn is realistic

Porn can be quite detrimental to individuals and their relationships if not used correctly. Having sex in a hot tub can be uncomfortable and painful since intercourse in water can, ironically, be very dry. It pales in comparison to what is displayed in porn. Most women also can’t deep-throat a penis like porn would have you believe. In fact, most of those porn stars are still using numbing spray even after years of practice.  And the average body isn’t bronzed up and glistening sporting an 8-pack. If you have any sexual beliefs that are based on pornography, you need to have an urgent conversation with your sex therapist. The saddest part of these unrealistic expectations is that when reality pales in comparison, one tends to “escape” to the fantasy more and more, and that’s how porn addictions start.

Fetishes are for freaks and weirdos

Studies have shown that 1 in every 6 people have some form of a sexual kink. 35% have actually acted on these. Kinks and fetishes can range anything from voyeurism, BDSM, feet fetishes, spanking, latex, group sex, and much, much more. Fetishes and kinks are part of a normal, healthy sex life and can be very pleasurable to explore with your partner. If you feel uncomfortable communicating these desires to your partner (or even understanding them yourself), it can be very helpful to make an appointment with a sex therapist.

Missionary is the only sex position

Missionary has become the be-all for a variety of reasons. It all started with how sex education was given (which also heavily relied on certain religious beliefs). But we don’t want to give Missionary a bad rap. Missionary can be a great position for building connection with eye-gazing, kissing, and clitoral stimulation during intercourse. But Missionary shouldn’t be the first and last position you try. There are plenty of other positions promising just as pleasurable experiences.

These positions can be ones suitable for beginners such as Doggy-style or Cowgirl. And it can become more and more advanced with positions such as Butterfly and The Splitter. But whatever your preferences (or fitness and flexibility levels), it’s important to never stop playing when it comes to sex and always be open to exploring with your partner. A sex therapist can help facilitate this exploration.

So-called aphrodisiacs like oysters can help increase your libido

If you’ve ever been on a terrible date where someone is trying to shuffle as many oysters as possible down your throat with a cheeky glint in their eyes … we’ve got good news for you and terrible news for them. There is absolutely no scientific proof that food, herbs, or anything else is actual natural aphrodisiacs that will increase your libido in any way.

If you’ve ever experienced such a phenomenon, it’s most possibly a placebo effect. We suspect the specific oyster rumour started since oysters are high in zinc (which can help keep sperm healthy). If you are experiencing a slump in libido, there are many things that can cause it and just as many possible solutions. Your sex therapist will be able to help you navigate the situation.

Men are more sexual beings than women

Although it’s true that most men have a stronger sex drive than women where studies have proven that men have more sexual fantasies, thoughts, etc. on a daily basis, women are not the prudes the past has painted them. In fact, both genders enjoy their sexual experiences almost equally. 40% of women admit to regularly masturbating. And the time when women had only one sexual partner in their lifetime is long-gone.

The misconception about women’s sexuality might come from the fact that their sexual desire heavily relies on context and their environment. Whether this is a subject of interest or there seems to be a compatibility issue between you and your partner, a sex therapist will be able to shed some light on the matter.

Sex during pregnancy can induce labour

There is absolutely no scientific proof that sex can induce labour or cause a miscarriage. The mucus plug that is inside the cervix keeps the baby protected. So the idea that the baby’s safe space will be intruded upon by a penis is also a myth. There is no reason why pregnancy should delay pleasure unless specified by a medical doctor.

Having actual intercourse is the only way to have sex

A lot of people think that only penetrative intercourse is defined as having sex. Is a man not brought to climax during a blowjob? Is a woman not getting orgasms from toys? There are so many ways to have sex with someone that doesn’t include a penis entering a vagina. This is powerful knowledge that opens up many doors for couples. And it can relieve some unnecessary pressures surrounding the sexual act. It is also crucial information to share with teenagers. Just because you didn’t go “all the way” as they say, doesn’t mean that you have not participated in a sex act.  

Younger is better

This is also an age-old rumour (pun intended). The older woman and the pool boy, the silver fox with his arm candy. It’s always the older ones that should consider themselves “the lucky ones”, right? Wrong, wrong, wrong! If you’re hiring someone for a position (this time no pun intended), are you going to opt for the fresh-out-of-college graduate or the experienced professional whose last role was that of Senior Management? Experience matters!

And with statistics that say pensioners claim to have better and more sex than they’ve ever had before and everyone having access to nifty little blue pills – the odds keep stacking up against the counter-argument that young people have more stamina. If we have to believe the stats (and common sense), it seems like older might actually be better.

If you found any of our myth-busting topics particularly interesting and would like to learn more or have some questions. Or if you feel like you and your partner could benefit from open communication regarding your sex life, please feel free to contact a sex therapist at Alternatively, you can simply complete the form below and we’ll get back to you as soon as we can.

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